soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
