Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize