I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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