the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
