based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
