Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
