Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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