That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
birth control should be required to get into college
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
