I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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