so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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