Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
