It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
