Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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