I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
