i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
