i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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