a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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