goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
