Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
