remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize