Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
