my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
