It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
