Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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