My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
