i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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