You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
