What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
