What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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