those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
