His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
