Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
