Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
