Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
