Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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