i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
