I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize