Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
