Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
