im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
