I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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