god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
