I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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