I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
