I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
