I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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