its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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