i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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