Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Did I show you my penis last night?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
