So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
