nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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