Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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