Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
