Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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