i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
