her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
