I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
