I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
