I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
