At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
