Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
