Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Alive.
So much puke
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
