i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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