If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
