I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Are we still banned from the library?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
