the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
