three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
