So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
