im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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