You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Small penises have feelings too.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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