rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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