Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
