Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
