Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
