i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
