Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
