dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
