Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
