Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
