Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
