Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
