Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
