What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
