Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
