There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
