Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Quick, to the slutcave!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
