When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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