Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
MIDGETS
????
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
