Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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