The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am available for nakedness
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
