I'm so fucking centered right now
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
