why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
