The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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