I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
